Peaceful Tarbiyah – Self Regulation How? Reflection
Emotions are extremely useful; they are like indicator lights on a car dashboard. Just like an indicator light warns us of something that needs attention in our car. Emotions warn us of our feelings and the feelings of our children that need attention.
While mindfulness is not reacting to those emotions in the moment. Reflection is revisiting those emotions and feelings and thinking about why we felt the way we did and also thinking about our child’s behaviour why they behaved the way they did.
Our children can show us where we need healing. Reflecting upon our triggers gives us an insight into our childhood wounds and allows us to think about how we will respond to our children so that we don’t hurt them. The unmanageable behaviour of our children is an outward display of hurt or unmet needs. Reflecting upon our feelings and the feelings of our children can bring us to places that need to be nurtured and healed. Reflection is a very useful tool, which can help us with emotional regulation.
Reflection is given great importance in Islam, be it reflecting on the verses of the Quran or reflecting upon our actions it has numerous benefits. In ayah 7 of Surat Taha, Allah says that “He knows the secret and what is more hidden”. There are dynamics inside us that we are not even aware of which impact the way we behave, but Allah knows us even better than we know ourselves. Our spiritual closeness to Him will help us unravel our deeply-ingrained complexities, becoming healthier human beings, giving us confidence and alleviating us from negative emotions in our lives. It will help us to be more aware of ourselves and respond accordingly to our children. Peaceful Tarbiya allows us to stay calm and come with love to our children despite their unmanageable behaviours.
Maintaining a Parenting Journal is a great tool which can help us reflect on our triggers, parenting wins and struggles and ponder upon our behaviour and the behaviour of our children.
How do you use Reflection in your parenting journey?
