Peaceful Taribiyah Self Regulation

How? Mindfulness

Allah says in the Quran, “Remember that your God knows what is in your souls, so be Mindful of Him.” [Quran 2:235]

Mindfulness in Islam is the Virtue of “Muraqabah”, a complete state of self-awareness in one’s relationship with Allah in heart, mind and body. It is the knowledge that Allah is always watching us at all times and, as a result of this, we develop greater attention and care for our thoughts, actions and emotions.

 Being mindful as a parent means we are fully aware of our inner state and we exercise control over our actions, emotions and feelings. It is the art of feeling an emotion, recognising it and letting it pass without reacting upon it. For example, our child has defied us and done something we asked them to abstain from, this has made us upset and we also might get angry. Mindfulness is recognising that feeling of anger and upset but not reacting to our child negatively and lashing out at them.

Allah has made our children depend on us. They need our help to manoeuvre life, but we as parents can only help them if we help ourselves first. Just like we put on our oxygen masks before we help our children on an emergency on the aeroplane, we need to be equipped to help our children in real-life situations.

Being mindful allows us to respond to our children positively. When we are aware that these children are an Amanah from ALLAH and He is watching us and testing us to see if we raise them well, it becomes easier for us to control our responses towards our children and channelize them is the most constructive way.

Practising mindfulness can be difficult, here are some tips to cultivate the habit of being mindful.

• Mindful Minutes:  Take 5 -10 minutes out each day to sit in solitude. Focus on yourself and your connection with Allah. Breathe slowly be present in the moment and stop your mind from drifting away in heedlessness.
• Self-care: As parents, we can be very hard on ourselves. We often put ourselves last, but how do we care for those little humans when we don’t care for ourselves? How can we pour out love, care and compassion when we are pouring from an empty cup? Fill up your cup first! Allow yourself grace. Do whatever it takes to make you feel loved and cared for. It could be a lie in whist your partner watches the kids or a quick chat with a friend to offload your feelings or even 2 units Nawafil Salah to feel reconnected to ALLAH!
• Dhikr: This one works wonders for me especially in the moment. When I begin to feel overwhelmed by my feelings and emotions, engaging in the remembrance of Allah helps discharge all the negative thoughts and surprisingly it can change the perspective of the situation in minutes.

How do you practise mindfulness to respond positively to your children?